Relationship Issues

Good sex requires an amicable relationship.

If yours is strained and difficult then it may be time to get some help. Some problems become too entrenched and emotional to be solved without external help and specialised skills. This would mean a trip to Relate or finding a private relationship counsellor. However, the work by John Gottman and associate’s in their ‘love laboratory’ has shown clearly which modifiable factors in the communication between couples are critical.
Gottman’s Publications include:

• Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America’s Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship by John M. Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman and Joan Declaire.
• Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman.

Your partner has his or her own sexual difficulty

Then this needs to be addressed either as a couple or they can seek independent help if that seems best.

Help for female partners

In the perimenopausal phase [around the time of the last period] and after the menopause [after the last period] women can have difficulties with libido, arousal, lubrication and satisfaction that may inhibit their participation in sexual activity. These do not indicate a problem in your relationship but will need attention if sex is to continue. These problems are caused by falling oestrogen levels and can be safely and completely corrected with hormone replacement. The most urgent problem is the physical changes that occur in the vagina with oestrogen deficiency. Even if your partner is anxious about taking full dose systemic HRT good results can be obtained by the use of a local vaginal tablet or cream which brings things back to normal over 3-4 weeks and has no systemic absorption so no possible risks.